


Taking Chances

by gelandspray



Series: Lay It All Down [17]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Dysphoria, FTM, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Kurt, Trans Male Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 14:46:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3213011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelandspray/pseuds/gelandspray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Kurt had liked the feeling of seeing Blaine at his audition, he was beyond not prepared to see how much it paled in comparison to Blaine at the actual performance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking Chances

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Loss of Control  
> For [Klaine Bingo](http://www.klainebingo.tumblr.com)

Now that they are approved by June and with the showcase imminent, Blaine refuses let Kurt see him _or_ the band practice. Instead of practicing at the loft, Blaine insists on reserving a room at NYADA designated for performance majors every night for 4 hours for the whole week and, during that week, Kurt doesn’t seen Blaine outside the walls of NYADA _at all_. Kurt even pulls Sam aside and asks him if Blaine is _sleeping_ at NYADA. Sam just laughs. _Jerk._

It’s not that Kurt is _mad_ that he doesn’t get to see Blaine, because he isn’t so lovey-dovey that he can’t go a week without seeing Blaine after the school day is over. It is more so that he is annoyed that he isn’t in on everything. Suddenly, Blaine _and_ Brittany _and_ Santana _and_ Sam _and_ Dani _and_ even Unique all know what is going on, while Kurt doesn’t have a clue and Kurt Hummel is not a _clueless_ person. He is told that he will still get to do Blaine’s styling, but other than that, he doesn’t get to be involved in the preparation at all. He tries to tell Blaine that, in order to properly style him, he needs to know the feel of the set, but Blaine doesn’t go for it, because he knows that Blaine knows that they have thoroughly talked about the vibe of the band and that should be good enough. Then, Unique tries to tell him to see it as a nice surprise from his boyfriend and like a personal performance in glee club times ten, but Kurt wonders why this surprise had to be like the surprise birthday party that comes after a day of thinking everyone forgot it was your birthday instead of the kind of surprise you get when you come home and the table is set with candles and your favorite meal.

But it is hard to stay miffed, when, in the silence and peacefulness of an empty rehearsal room before practice, Kurt gets to visit Blaine until either all the musicians showed up for Blaine’s solo practice or all the other band members. In those fifteen to twenty minutes, Kurt gets to be close with his boyfriend and it makes not knowing a little better, because Blaine reminds him that he isn’t being forgotten and he isn’t fading into the background. Blaine reminds him that he is trying to give Kurt a fun time and Kurt can hear the subtext of Blaine’s concern about June’s attitude towards him. And, in those fifteen to twenty minutes, he gets to kiss him and he gets to lean into Blaine’s body as it rests against the piano and he gets to feel Blaine’s strong hands on his hips and, when the three other band members arrive, he gets a quick kiss and a blindly bright grin to bid him a nice “see you soon.”

He gets that same grin smiling at him from the stage on the night of the showcase. Where it is revealed that it will be a six-song night. The first half is Blaine on his own, as Kurt suspected might be the case knowing that June would be firm in her want for Blaine to be the primary focus seeing as he _is_ the one that _she_ chose, which is something that he agrees with June about, actually. What he didn’t expect was that _June_ would be singing a _duet with Blaine_ as the first number, which Kurt finds a little tacky. Sure, he wants to still be performing when he’s old too, but not at the showcase of a much younger up-and-comer acting distinctly like the up-and-comer’s grandfather or _sugar daddy_. For crying out loud, she actually sits on Blaine’s _lap –_ to which he hears Unique whisper-scold an “Oh, no, you didn’t” and that actually does make it pretty funny. But, anyway, with that awkward kick-off behind them and a “Thank you, June” from Blaine, he settles in for what can only be a great night when Blaine’s involved and uninhibited.

And Blaine doesn’t disappoint as he peels off his rich navy blazer, leaving him just in his matching navy chinos, a white button up, and dark brown oxfords. He picks up a stool from the side of the stage and moves it to center stage along with a microphone stand. Blaine situates himself, more leaning against the stool than sitting on it, propping one foot on one of the rungs, and, during the opening instrumental notes, ducks his head to center himself before raising it again just before diving in head first into his next song.

Off the back of his comedic performance with June, Blaine transitions to a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-cD4oLk_D0) with a sound more similar to that of the band, a more serious tone, and not too fast or too theatrical. It’s clever, really, Kurt thinks; a sign of NYADA’s good training and Blaine’s good utilization of it. Because this way, Blaine is able to show that he has an honest talent beyond being paraded behind June as a handsome side act, that he is a _performer_ and not an actor, and that whatever charade-like dancing he inevitably adds to his following performance is an act of getting into the song, not creating shtick humor like before. And he does do some of his typical Blaine theatrics with those eyebrows and some singing with his mouth perhaps a little _too_ wide open, but, really, that’s Blaine and that’s not something that could or should be changed. Blaine gives everything his all.

Kurt gives his all to clapping once Blaine’s last note ends.

The next [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWROL973r7U) similarly builds in pace from the one before it and gives another slight shift in tone to show a little more of his sound. But, again, Blaine being Blaine, he is no longer content to sit and stands up, adding some of his trademark moves – emoting with his eyebrows some more, using his arms for emphasis and punctuation, closing his eyes and scrunching his face. During the chorus, he even begins doing that little thing he does where he tucks his knees together and Kurt can’t help but laugh _just a little_ , because his boyfriend really is the cutest. Even though Kurt loves Blaine’s band, he’s a little sad that is Blaine’s last solo song, because he could watch Blaine steal the spotlight for much longer than just two songs.

But, this showcase is about Blaine and Blaine wants to show off the band, so Kurt watches Blaine pick up his stool again, take it farther back in the room, where Santana, Sam, and Dani are arranging themselves, and place his stool quietly in the space they’ve created between Sam and Santana, fortunately still basically front and center.

“Hello, everyone, thank you all for coming tonight. I hope you’re having a good time. We are ‘Raised Waiting,’” Blaine announces as he gestures to his bandmates and Kurt smirks knowingly.

Blaine takes the lead again in this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?x-yt-cl=84411374&feature=player_detailpage&x-yt-ts=1421828030&v=bIDl89y7xiI#t=30), likely in order to connect the previous songs with the songs to come to show that Blaine is a part of the band and the band meshes with Blaine. But, this can’t be mistaken a solo song, because he has back up from the others for certain pieces of the song – notably, the pre-choruses, part of the chorus, and in a sort of trade off sequence in the bridge towards the end – and it is a beautiful sort of echo, in which the echo isn’t just the same sound radiating afterwards but a mutation of it that matches the original in strength, and the echo correlates well with the lyrics and the overlapping instruments and emphasizes certain sections above others. Kurt wonders how many of the mysterious practices were devoted to figuring out individual parts and negotiating harmonies. He also wonders if it’s just his personal bias that makes him think that Blaine had the biggest role in all of that.

For the next [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMfc9niwn5A), Dani and Blaine take a step back and seat themselves on their stools to leave Sam and Santana in the forefront. The transition isn’t as smooth as the others have been since Blaine’s duet with June, but Kurt can’t really criticize, because what is special about this song is that, as Kurt watches, he can’t help but see how much fun Sam and Santana – and even Blaine and Dani, even if they aren’t singing and only get to rhythmically clap – are having. It makes him wish he could be up there performing with them, though not in a jealous way this time, but that feeling of _fun_ that makes you want to be a part of it, so, even if there maybe should have been another song to bridge things together a little better, Kurt doesn’t think anyone can say that it was a bad choice to include it.

The last [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EFiopuzJMs) of the showcase, though, is the song that really hits Kurt hard.

Blaine and Dani get the attention instead this time. They let the clapping taper off and silence set in as they each pick up guitars and pull their stools far out in front as Sam and Santana move their microphones for them. They are closer to the audience now than the band and they position themselves to be able to play without getting in each other’s way and Kurt can feel the anticipation in the room that comes from the silence following a build up to and decent from fast pacing. Blaine and Dani both keep their eyes focused on their hands as they delve into something soft and emotional, which, Kurt notes – still ever appreciative of Blaine’s arrangement skills – shows their emotional depth and their guitar skills.

As Blaine starts to sing, everyone in the room holds their breath for a moment, because this song is almost like a whisper in your ear in the dead of night and Kurt gets a little thrill through his veins and a tug deep in his chest when he thinks that he’s the only one in the room who knows what it really is like to have Blaine whisper sweetly in your ear, to know what it feels like to have Blaine so close that you can feel the brush of his lips against the shell of your ear and feel the vibration of the words leaving those lips. Dani sings back up on the chorus and Kurt is sure that she’s great at it, but he barely pays any attention to her. He finds it difficult to tear his attention away from Blaine for anything – not when someone coughs, not when Unique takes his hand and squeezes, and not when his heart is pounding roughly in his chest. He sees _Blaine_ and he hears _Blaine_ and he realizes that _this_ is really _his_ surprise. The whole showcase was a surprise – the band name, the songs, the table in the front – but this song is really meant to be for him and…and Kurt doesn’t really know what to think or feel about that.

With the last note ringing out, suddenly the room explodes with applause and even though he’s clapping too, the sudden noise is almost deafening. But that cacophony is what Kurt needs to remind himself not to spring out of his seat and throw his arms around his boyfriend. It reminds him that this is his boyfriend’s showcase and this is the time for Blaine to be congratulated, not be dragged off the stage and into a isolated corner like Kurt wants so badly to do. So, Kurt watches in a daze, while Blaine thanks June again for the opportunity and thanks the audience for coming and He makes eye contact with Blaine a few times and gets a wink or a gesture for him to come over, but Kurt knows that, if he walks over there, he may go into full groupie mode and that is _so_ not the boyfriend he wants for Blaine and Kurt refuses to prove June right. So, Kurt waits patiently while Blaine and the band are chatted with by various friends of June’s and receive a seriously impressive number of business cards, all the while blood pounds in Kurt’s ears and his sight narrows to just the one spot that is _Blaine_.

It feels like forever until the crowd finally dissolves and June gives her congratulations and bids Blaine good night and the few left around Blaine are their close friends. _Finally_. Kurt feels a little light-headed as he swiftly stands up from the seat he’s been glued to, but it doesn’t stop him from heading straight for Blaine and slamming into him with a hug.

“Hey, babe,” Blaine laughs, rubbing his hand up and down Kurt’s back.

“You were so good,” Kurt whispers, his voice and being feeling _raw_.

Blaine hugs him a little tighter for that and kisses his temple and everyone else in the room seems to understand that they are no longer welcome, so they decide to go out to celebrate another job well done. Blaine and Kurt receive slaps on the back and pats and one inevitable declaration of “wanky” from Santana and finally they are beautifully and gloriously _alone_.

“Will you come back to my place?” Kurt asks. (Well, he basically _pleads_ , really, he needs it so badly.)

“Of course,” Blaine answers softly, loosening his arms around Kurt, slipping his hand down to lace with Kurt’s fingers, and grabbing his jacket with one hand before promptly escorting him out.

And the journey home is, frankly, a bit of a blur. Kurt thinks they probably got weird looks from strangers for giggling at each other out in the city just by looking at each other and gifting each other with some small kisses, but all Kurt knows for sure is that Blaine never lets go of Kurt’s hand and that, with the slam of the door behind them, Kurt is crushing his lips against Blaine’s and roughly manhandling Blaine’s shirt in a near destructive way that Kurt didn’t think he’d ever treat nice clothes. However, as much as Kurt likes this shirt on Blaine and they way it suits the broadness of his shoulders and the strength of his arms and the narrowness of his waist...as much as he likes all that, he would _really like_ this shirt off of Blaine. In fact, he would like _all_ of Blaine’s clothes _off_ _of Blaine_. So, he tugs Blaine’s shirt untucked from his pants and flicks the end of Blaine’s belt from the buckle, while he kisses him with some of the passion that’s been wound up in Kurt since Blaine finished his showcase, including sucking Blaine’s bottom lip in between his and scraping it lightly with his teeth as he releases it, which makes Blaine groan so pleasantly.

Once Kurt has unbuttoned and untucked Blaine’s shirt, whipped Blaine’s belt from the loops, and unfastened and unzipped Blaine’s pants, Blaine harshly brakes away from Kurt’s mouth only to attach his lips to that _exact_ sport he knows makes Kurt weak at the knees and pulls a long moan from Kurt’s throat. Kurt can only clutch at Blaine’s shoulders to stay upright and it is Blaine’s turn to peel away some of Kurt’s layers. Blaine is relentless with his mouth as he lets one hand roam Kurt’s body from his ass to his hair, squeezing and grasping and pulling Kurt close, as he works Kurt’s buttons in a straight line down from Kurt’s throat to the last button of his button-fly pants.

“I can’t…I need—“ Kurt chokes off as Blaine dips slides just the tips of his fingers past the open fly of Kurt’s pants and against the thin fabric of his underwear and Kurt feels his eyelids flutter closed.

“Hmm?” Blaine murmurs against his throat.

“I need more,” Kurt gasps. “Like _a lot more_. More than we’ve done before.”

“Yeah?” Blaine asks and it’s the combination of the curious tone and the sudden cold of Blaine’s mouth leaving his skin that makes Kurt focus on tipping his head forward and opening his eyes.

And Blaine looks _hopeful_ and _bashful_ like he doesn’t already _know_ that Kurt will be emotional, blown away, feeling wrecked, stripped down to his very core and needing to be as close to Blaine as possible to be put back right again, which is frankly ridiculous, because Blaine planned this surprise and sang to him and he is too talented and too _romantic_ to _not_ pluck every heart string Kurt has.

“Whose turn is it?” Kurt asks softly, raising a hand to stroke at the side of Blaine’s face.

“I don’t remember,” Blaine confesses, turning his face father into Kurt’s palm. “I think we got lazy with the plan since we have been more…playing our favorites on repeat than picking up anything new.”

“Can it be my turn?” Kurt requests.

“Sure, baby,” Blaine agrees easily with a small smile.

And now is the time for Kurt to jump into the deep end of physical intimacy: “I want everything.”

“Everything-everything?” Blaine questions.

Kurt leans in, pressing his body against Blaine’s from head to toe, and whispers against Blaine’s ear: “ _Everything_.”

“Oh.”

“If that’s okay…” Kurt backtracks, pushing back a little out of Blaine’s space.

“If that’s okay,” Blaine parrots dreamily, “it is _better_ than _okay_ , but only as long as you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” he promises, staring deep into Blaine’s eyes, so that Blaine can _see_ that Kurt isn’t wavering. 

Blaine places both his hands on Kurt’s neck, bracketing Kurt’s jawline with his hands and sliding his finders into Kurt’s hair, forcing Kurt to see the simultaneously fond and passionate look on Blaine’s face that has his eyes _shining_ just before he pulls Kurt forward to kiss again. It’s a kiss that reminds him of their first kiss, when they wouldn’t dare try open mouthed kissing or anything too passionate because they’d only gone out once, but it was a kiss that held promises of the future. It had given Kurt a hint of the passion and intimacy that comes naturally to Blaine. It had showed and still shows Kurt that it’s not just open-mouthed, sloppy making out that conveys just how hopeful and desperate you feel, but that a simple closed-mouth kiss, in which both hold their breath from the tension they feel, can be beautiful.

When they come back up for air, Kurt leads Blaine to his room in one of those cliché ways that happen in the movies – except, of course, it isn’t as smooth as it is in the movies. As Kurt walks backwards and pulls Blaine with him with hands fisted in the fabric of Blaine’s shirt – though there really isn’t much _pulling_ happening, because Blaine isn’t exactly resistant – Kurt stumbles over his own feet and feels his pants slipping farther and farther down his hips and ass. But even if it isn’t a graceful, cinematic dance, they get there and they don’t have to stray far from one another and that’s what counts.  

Kurt seats himself on the edge of the bed and gets to work on untying Blaine’s shoes, tugging them off Blaine’s feet, and pulling down Blaine’s pants _and_ his boxers, which shoots an exhilarating jolt down Kurt’s spine. Meanwhile, Blaine shrugs off his button-up. Even after all that work, it still seems that, all at once, Blaine is standing in front of him totally naked and Kurt is, frankly, _amazed_ at his life, because Blaine is just _so remarkable_ and he really has transformed Kurt’s life. When he was in high school, he had only ever _hoped_ he’d have this _someday_ before he died. 

Kurt slips his hands up around Blaine’s waist and skims his fingers along the soft skin of Blaine’s hips and ass.

“Beautiful,” Kurt mumbles as he spreads his knees and pulls Blaine to the edge of the bed in the space between them, which makes Blaine blush.

Kurt leans in, placing kisses to the slight pooch of Blaine’s stomach and down along his right hip until he hears Blaine’s sharp suck of breath and he decides to stop teasing and begins the practiced art of giving Blaine a blowjob. This pleases Kurt greatly, possibly more than it should, because _loves_ giving Blaine blowjobs – to the extent that giving _Blaine_ a blowjob is basically foreplay for _Kurt_ , because Kurt is _so fucking_ _gay_ and he loves the feel of a dick in his mouth. It’s _even more_ arousing this time to feel his lips around the girth and to swirl his tongue around the head, because this time he knows that this same girth will be going inside of him for the first time and the thought should make him more nervous but it mostly turns him on.

He knows he’s making the right choice. He really is ready.

As per usual, Blaine starts gripping Kurt’s shoulder when he feels himself getting close and Kurt, knowing that this isn’t the main event this time, backs off, wiping the side of his mouth with the back of his hand. He promptly bends over to take off his own shoes this time, shimmies out of his pants and boxers, and allows Blaine to help him out of his dress shirt.

“Um, uh, we haven’t talk about positions or anything,” Blaine awkwardly reminds him as they both move to lie back on the bed together. “How should we do it?”

“You can’t really go wrong with missionary, I guess,” Kurt suggests, realizing he didn’t really think specifically about positions, “It must be default for a reason.”

“Okay. Sounds good. I, uh, I’ve done that one…though I was on the receiving end that time, but I got the gist,” Blaine explains bashfully, which makes Kurt giggle because it’s just such a ridiculous statement that it’s endearing.

“Maybe someday we’ll do that too,” Kurt suggests with a wink as he clasps the back of Blaine’s neck and pulls Blaine down over him and Blaine hisses as his still hard dick brushes against inside of Kurt’s thigh.

“ _Kurt_ ,” Blaine moans, “You can’t just say stuff like that. _God_ , I’m already _so_ …” Blaine drifts off into a whine, dancing his fingers up Kurt’s thigh towards Kurt’s most sensitive spot, giving him shivers as he gets closer and closer, teasing until he finally sinks one finger in smoothly. Blaine is just as well practiced at fingering as Kurt is at giving a blowjob. He wonders if that means that Blaine replays the memories in his mind like Kurt does. Blaine also recommits himself to kissing Kurt’s neck and leaving just a few marks, which is probably his own beautiful sort of payback, because Blaine _knows_ this is a surefire way to drive Kurt completely crazy and, sure enough, Blaine is _very_ successful.

There is just one problem: Kurt wore his _full_ binder today.

He’d wanted to look his best for Blaine’s showcase and his half-binder just doesn’t achieve the same flatness as his full-chest one does. Normally, when they have sex, it’s after Kurt has changed out of his full binder or it’s on a day when the half one did the trick just fine. So, here he is, naked, but for the layers of a tank top under a tank top-like compression shirt and it feels ridiculous to have the bottom of these two stretched out, raggedy shirt ends skim at his hips and upper thighs. Blaine already has to push them out of the way just to finger him. It feels weird and awkward and a little like a dress with a bodice that fits tight but that’s way too small, like he’s wearing a little girl’s dress. Usually, he doesn’t have any time when he’s in just his binder and undershirt. Usually, he has boxers on, so he can tuck these ends in.

He tries to quickly problem-solve before Blaine gets worried that Kurt is second-guessing or Kurt himself explodes from the diligence of what Blaine is currently doing with his mouth and _three_ fingers now. He considers folding it up, but there is no way that it would stay and if he tucked it under the elastic that would cause a weird bulge and stretch it out. He thinks about asking to pause everything to find his other binder, change in the bathroom, and come back, but the idea of taking all that time and cooling down that much right now feels almost painful. He’s _so_ turned on and just wants to get his relief.

The only good solution Kurt can see is to take it all off.

So, Kurt psyches himself up to do it. He thinks about how it would happen eventually. He doesn’t think that he would even want to wear this binder every time they have sex for however long it takes until he can get surgery, which is likely _years_ from now with how his money saving is going. Because, really, the binder restricts his breathing when he’s gasping for the air that whooshes out of him with each and every deep touch and, when he is all hot and worked up, the binder feels like it chafes and cuts into his skin. Really, he can do it; he can take it off…as long as it won’t freak out Blaine either.

“Blaine,” Kurt gasps, ready for Blaine’s inevitable care and concern now that he’s made up his mind. “ _Blaine_.” 

“Yes, babe?” Blaine answers, lifting his head to place soft kisses on Kurt’s lips, cheek, and nose. 

“Can I take it off?” he asks nervously, tugging on the strap at his shoulder.

 “Kurt—“ he gasps, unfortunately, removing his fingers with a soft squelch.

“Do you mind?” Kurt carefully cuts to the chase. 

“No, but…this is a big deal. Are you sure?” Blaine questions, motionless and seemingly frozen, ridiculously holding his hand still so it hovers over the bedspread. 

“All of this is a big deal, but I’m sure,” he promises and it’s as if those words takes Blaine off of pause, because Blaine’s body is loose again. Ludicrously _and_ sweetly enough, Blaine lets out a deep sigh in relief and caresses the side of Kurt’s face with his clean hand.

“You’re amazing,” Blaine declares and Kurt gives him a sweet smile in thanks and a peck on the cheek, before getting to work on _getting the dumb thing off_.

After Kurt wiggles himself out of his binder – which is _way_ harder lying down – he lies down flat again, drapes his arm over his chest, and clutches a handful of the skin of his back. The feel of his fingers digging into his skin and the cramp in his hand from the tension helps to calm his nerves as he breathes out raggedly. With his other arm, he pulls Blaine back to him so that Blaine is between his legs and, with the support of one arm, Blaine leans just enough weight on Kurt to be comforting but not suffocating and Kurt kisses him _hard_ , so Blaine can get the message and _keep going_.

Which, thankfully, Blaine does.

Blaine slips those three glorious, dextrose, piano-and-guitar-playing fingers back in and adds some extra pressure with his thumb to Kurt’s clit and Kurt lets some of his nerves get pushed to the back of his mind. As Blaine kisses him senseless and perfectly times both the thrust of his fingers and the fine, subtle, circling movements of his thumb, Kurt blindly reaches his arm out to the bedside table, missing a few times before he finds the drawer handle and jerks it open, only to flail a bit more to find what he’s looking for. He grabs Blaine’s wrist from where his hand is repeatedly stroking Kurt’s side from ass to waist and slips the condom into Blaine’s hand. Blaine raises his eyebrows as he looks at the condom, but then promptly rips it open with his teeth, after which he leans back and sits up to adeptly push it down over his erection. Kurt trembles from the combined feeling of loss without Blaine pressed against him and pride at staring at the glorious man before him. Inching his legs farther to pull his knees tighter to his body, Kurt beckons Blaine back to him with a smile.

Blaine positions himself with the head of his dick where his fingers just were, and, with the nod of Kurt’s head, and a “Please, Blaine,” Blaine blessedly follows through, pushing in slowly but steadily. And for all the times when having sex with Blaine has pushed all the air out of him, in this moment, Kurt quickly pulls in a deep breath and holds this breath until Blaine is all the way in and the air comes rushing out again in a silent, dumbstruck laugh.

“Hey,” Blaine whispers roughly against Kurt’s ear, reminding him of the showcase that feels like it happened a whole lifetime ago.

“Hey,” Kurt says softly back.

“You okay?”

“I will be when you move,” Kurt flirts and Blaine laughs quietly this time, though Kurt suspects it’s from disbelief more than anything else. 

Kurt hisses a bit as Blaine slowly slides out _almost_ all the way, only to swiftly bury himself deeply once more. It builds up slowly this way, with Kurt feeling the drag out and the swift push back in and he thinks he might go crazy, but, eventually, he and Blaine get to the place where Blaine is quickly driving in and out of him and Kurt can hear the sinful mixture of the sound of the bed shifting, their skin slapping together, and their mutual moans and groans. Blaine’s hands feel frantic against his skin, at first urging Kurt to pull his knees up even farther until Kurt gets the clue to lock his heels behind Blaine’s back and, after Kurt is successful, Blaine’s hands roam senselessly, pulling and pushing at any pliable skin he can find, whether that be the flesh of Kurt’s ass cheek or the skin of his side. Blaine doesn’t seem entirely sure what to do, but Kurt isn’t much better as he arches to meet Blaine’s thrusts and tangles his own hand in whatever hair he can manage to free from the hair gel. Kurt can tell that Blaine is trying to balance gentle and fast-paced, but, as much as Kurt adores him for that, he wants Blaine to _give in_ , so, Kurt moves his hand to Blaine’s back, tries to pull him as tight to him as possible, and, by accident, slipping on the sweat a little, rakes his fingernails along Blaine’s shoulder blade. However, that seems to do the trick, because Blaine takes one glorious arm to lift up Kurt’s ass to get a better angle and that is _exactly_ what Kurt needs.

With the pound of his heart in his ear, the deep, rhythmic thrusting of Blaine within him, the fading burn of his first time being filled, the pain of his nails creating deep divots in the flesh he still has clenched in his fist, and the throb of his pussy, he feels on the edge of overwhelmed. He drinks in the sight of the crease of concentration between Blaine’s eyebrows, the curls breaking free from the gel, the sweat building on his forehead and chest, and he feels the tension in Blaine’s hand gripping his ass and he knows that Blaine is just about to tip over the edge too.

“I can’t—“ Blaine gasps. “I’ve only really once before—“

“It’s okay,” Kurt promises. “Let go, Blaine.”

But Blaine being Blaine holds on just a little longer to slip his hand between their bodies and rub at Kurt’s clit again just before Blaine comes. With a choked-off shout, Blaine slumps over on top of Kurt, too tired to keep holding himself up, and Kurt discovers two things: one, that he, much to his shame, wishes that they didn’t have to use condoms for better-safe-than-sorry reasons, because he’s intrigued as to how it would feel to have no barrier and to be filled up by Blaine’s come, and, two, that he loves having Blaine’s full weight on top of him. Where he doesn’t enjoy the feeling of his binder squeezing the breath out of him, Blaine surrounding him and the feeling his every breath push against Blaine’s chest and Blaine’s breath push back is worth the constriction.

Now, Blaine may be finished but he isn’t done. He continues to put the pressure on Kurt’s clit and, with his other hand, gently turns Kurt’s head so that he can, in his exhausted states, kiss Kurt passionately, which is partially panting into Kurt’s mouth. Kurt’s not exactly sure what does it, but after everything today – after the songs, the surprise, the new sensations, the new exposure, and the new vulnerability –everything seems to come together to break him apart. In falling over that edge, the blinding, pulsing moment leaves him gasping out his shock and clutching his hands tightly, gripping his own skin in one hand and some of Blaine’s with the other.

Once both of their breathing and heartbeats even out, he looks at Blaine’s sleepy, satisfied expression and affectionately brushes Blaine’s hair back into place. This amazing, ridiculous man – who’s spread out on top of him, still buried inside of him, and who lazily pulls at Kurt’s arms to get Kurt to hug him – has uncovered parts of Kurt kept hidden for a long time and not just physically, so Kurt unclenches his hand, pulls his arm out from around his chest, and wraps it around Blaine’s shoulder as he’d silently requested. And it feels good. He can handle his chest being squished flat purely by the weight of this wonderful man.

After basking in the afterglow and some cleanup, Kurt lies on his stomach beside Blaine with his head lined up with Blaine’s shoulder, as Blaine lies distractedly staring at the ceiling.

“What was your first time like?” he asks carefully.

“Rushed,” Blaine sighs, sadly, “I think I’ve told you a little bit before about how my ex and I weren’t all that emotionally connected with sex.”

“Yeah, you said you were usually drunk.”

“I was _always_ drunk and that’s because he loved to go out to gay clubs. I admit that now I do really love going to the occasional gay club, as you well know, and at first I enjoyed going to these clubs with my ex too, because – well, you know how Ohio is – I never really had much access to gay culture. There were gay guys at Dalton, but we were all pretty much typical sheltered prep school boys, so my best understanding of gay people in the real world was from the internet and I bluffed my way through from there. But I needed more than that. I needed some real experience.”

“So you let him guide you,” Kurt guesses, lightly taking one of Blaine’s hands, lining up their fingers, and lancing them together.

“Exactly. He seemed like he knew what it was all about. He talked about being from all these fabulous places and meeting all these great people and I was just a boy born and raised in the Midwest with bookmarked pages on his computer.”

Kurt leans up on one elbow, stretches over, gives Blaine a quick kiss, nuzzles his head against the side of Blaine’s, and returns to his previous position to patiently listen. 

“Anyway, the first time we went I was _amazed_ and so excited to see all these gay guys and drag queens. We had fake IDs, so we could drink and I felt a little taste of the life I was dreaming of, in which my parents wouldn’t control me anymore and I’d be able to say that they didn’t change me and I was doing just fine. I basically turned this rundown bar into the stuff of my dreams. So, he and I danced and he got all these creepy, older guys to buy us drinks and I was feeling pretty frisky because that’s how I get when I’m drunk – you know that, too – so the two of us left. Then, in the back of his fancy car, I decided that, after this night of imagining my big grown-up life, I was ready for sex too. We’d messed around some before that and I knew the mechanics from the good, old, trusty internet, so we just did it. Just like that, like it was so simple, like it wasn’t supposed to mean something more. But, I’ve thought about it a lot since you and I started having sex and I’m starting to think that every time he wanted to have sex after that, I wanted to have that feeling of being my dream, but it just wouldn’t come to me when I was sober, because I knew that our relationship wasn’t what I’d _really_ dreamed of – though, knowing that still didn’t make breaking up easy.”

“I’m sorry your first time wasn’t all the caring and compassion you deserve, Blaine. But, you could say that with every new partner, you have a new first time,” Kurt explains hesitantly, “so maybe now you can have a new first time to look back on – hopefully more fondly.”

“I’m really very fond of this first time,” Blaine promises, moving over to kiss Kurt on the end of his nose.

“Good,” Kurt answers as he turns over to switch off the light and tuck the blanket tighter around him and Blaine.

It’s weird, then, because, once all the lights are out and Kurt settles to lie on his back, while Blaine situates himself cuddling against Kurt’s side, Kurt lets himself imagine that the weight of his breasts isn’t so heavy. He closes his eyes and, with the fat and flesh of his breasts spread out across his chest instead of folding over or knocking together, imagines that his chest is like Blaine’s or like his own hopefully will be after surgery. He imagines nights like these – and days alike – in the future when being shirtless doesn’t have any scandal to it, not from him and not from anyone else; when there will be nothing flopping or shaking against his chest when he goes up and down stairs and no synthetic fabric choking the air out of him when he’s already out of breath. He won’t have to love and hate laundry, because that means that his binder will be even tighter and those are the times when putting it on makes him feel like he’s having a panic attack from the breathlessness.

No, in the darkness of this night, when he has had penis-and-vagina sex for the first time with his boyfriend, who _wasn’t_ put off by his breasts, and as he is lying shirtless in bed, Kurt feels like a boy and his parts can’t bring him down. So, he kisses the top of Blaine’s hair, smells the remnants of his raspberry hair gel, and drifts off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Over 6,500 words! Crazy! Clearly I'm trying to compensate for canon and hide in my AU. 
> 
> Also, sorry to anyone who got multiple notifications for this part, I think I broke AO3 with my word count or something. It was freaking out.  
>  
> 
> P.S. If people don't like the section where I described the set list, let me know, because I could just keep all that to myself if you aren't into it. I just thought it was cool to include here, because I'm a huge nerd about my own fic.


End file.
